feeling a lil bit stupid atm but i guess thats how i was feeling at the time

just found out that my nanny who used to take care of me when i was younger just died today
=( i feel so shocked and sad, she was always so dear to me
its funny cos not long ago when i was picturing my wedding and who i would invite, I pictured her there..

RIP Auntie Jose

im unsure
i feel uncomfortable and very weary

i feel .. like an outsider to say the least
i feel like i'll never be good enough
i feel sick of this feeling

argh it doesn't make sense
i don't know whats going through my head at the moment
but i don't feel like i normally do
its almost as if everything has shifted

i keep trying
trying to force myself to feel a particular way but it just gets so hard sometimes
definitely a clash of personalities
will it be this way forever?
obviously this is my burden, one that i must carry
so i ask that you please help me
please help lessen this burden
help it become easier
all the little things that happen just build up
maybe things will change
if i just hold on..
what kills me is that you will never know
i could never say anything
all i can do is to keep it to myself
that way, i won't hurt you
i refuse to be one of those people
i can't ask for you to be on my side .. not this time
i have to endure this on my own


sometimes i just wish it was just you and me
no other complications
but thats not the way life is

im done
done caring anymore

do whatever you please

...i know this is about me, why the hate?

today marks the 7th year anniversary of Alana's death

just goes to show how quick time goes by...
seven whole years already
seems like just the other day we were in exams and then all of a sudden there was a year level meeting and the principal comes out and starts telling us what happened in the morning - I wonder how many times in her lifetime she's had to tell a group of 90 or so students that a 15 year old girl just died in the morning.. probably only once.

it only takes one time to leave a permanent scar, embedded in your memory for a lifetime

I can't believe how young she was, i can't believe that it actually happened
Sometimes i wish that we hadn't gotten so close but then i remind myself that i would have rather had these memories with her then none at all
I would have rather known her and who she really was then to simply see her as another girl in my year level

7 years is a long time, but the pain always remains
but so do the memories.. whether they haunt you or give you peace

damn.. seriously can't sleep without him anymore :(
need my sleep as well, got work in 5 hours then hens night afterwards zzzzz gonna be so dead

drakes new album
loving it


And you can’t sleep thinking that he lies still
So you cry still, tears all in the pillow case
Big girls all get a little taste
Pushing me away so I give her space
Feeling with a heart that I didn’t break
I’ll be there for you, I will care for you
I keep thanking you, just don’t know
Try to run from that, say you’re done with that
On your face girl, it just don’t show

whatever happened to viet and nam...
it's like they disappeared
one day they were here and the next they were gone?

I think we all learned a valuable lesson about faith - you give it to the people you love.
But the people who really deserve it are the ones who come through even when you don't love them enough

i feel like punching someone in the face

you are in big shit now !!!
pretending to be all innocent and shit
cant believe i fell for it!!!!!!! i should have known better!!!!
see .. my instincts are always right!!

if you read my blog then you would know whats coming for you

BIG SHIT MR!!!
don't think you try mess with me i ALWAYS find shit out

you can't play me for a fool

I'm more than just an option,
Refuse to be forgotten,
I'm more than just a number,
I doubt you'll find another,
So every single summer,
I be the one that you remember

I better find your lovin'
I better find your heart.